Monday, January 28, 2013

Dialing 911

Two weeks ago, I walked outside while the kids were still sleeping.  I noticed that Justin had forgotten to pull the door completely shut on the way out for work.  The door takes some effort to close, so I thought nothing of it.  Then, as I turned to go back inside, the door was locked.  And my kids were asleep.  And I didn’t have a key.  Justin always locks the door on his way out in the morning, but because it wasn’t closed all the way, I hadn’t thought to check it.  So I called Justin at work, because I was freaking out.  He remembered that his dad had a key from when he lived with us a few years back, so he was going to call him.  About that time, I heard Bryson wake up and holler “Mooom!”  I yelled back at him and prayed he would hear me from the other side of the house.  He did.  He came to the door and unlocked it to let me in.  All was well.

Justin’s dad stopped by a day or so later and gave us the key back just in case it ever happened again. 

Justin’s dad is a crystal meth addict.  We have tried to help him countless times.  Food, a place to live, new clothes, offers to pay for rehab- you name it, we’ve done it.  None of it works.  Sure, he would get clean for a few months.  Once he was clean for 6 months.  Another time when we let him live with us, he was clean for a year.  Every single time, he’s gone back to the drugs. 

Justin and I have been together for 9 years and it’s been the same story over and over.  From what I understand, he has been on crystal meth for at least 15 years. 

For years, we’ve struggled with showing him tough love when we have so much sympathy and compassion for him.  The past few weeks have shown us that it is finally time to let go. 

His behavior has become erratic.  His pattern has always been the same- he would get high and stay in the house for days at a time while he was high and coming down.  We would very rarely see him high and often times, we worried that he had overdosed and was dead because we would go to his house to check on him, but he would not answer the door.  So, we would wait and eventually, he would come down and call or come around.  He has always known that he is not allowed around our family when he is messed up.

Something has changed recently though.  Instead of staying away when he is high, he has been making appearances.  And threats.  No one wants to be around an addict, but we have always dealt with it because we love him. 

That changes when you threaten our family.

Last Tuesday, I had to threaten to call the police to get him to leave our house.  He is no longer welcome at our house- clean or not.  We are done, because we have to protect our children.  Even from their grandfather.  He scared me for the first time ever.  I’ve never been scared of him before, not even once, but the way he looked at me and talked to me was frightening.  I knew it was bad.

He blamed me for brainwashing his son.  He thinks that I have turned his son away from him.  Because if he blames me, that means he doesn’t have to face what he has done.  If he can make this my fault, he can continue to live in denial.

He went to Justin’s jobsite and threatened to bash his head in.  His son.   His flesh and blood.

We warned my parents and other close family members that things had taken a turn for the worst.  We prayed that he would simply stay away.  Justin told him he was no longer welcome at our house and to stay away from our family.  Saturday night, we noticed him leaving our house.  Leaving.  We didn’t see him pull up because he did so with his lights turned off.  Justin walked outside and he had brought one of Justin’s work shirts back and left it.  We let that slide.  He knew he wasn’t supposed to come here, but we let it go.

Sunday morning, Justin’s mawmaw (his dad’s mom) called to let us know that his dad had been by her house and he was very out there.  We continued to pray that he would simply stay away from our family.

At 11:45 Sunday night, I was lying next to my sleeping husband talking to God as I always do before going to sleep.  I was praying for Justin’s dad when I heard the first sound.  It sounded just like someone spinning into our drive.  We are the only house on our road with a gravel drive so the sound was unmistakable.  I jumped out of bed and looked out the window, but I could see nothing.  I made myself get back in bed and I could hear a radio.  I knew it was him.  So, I waited and prayed.  Bryson cup fell to floor and I thought I was going to have a heart attack.  Then, I saw his lights flip on.  I looked out the window and I could see him parked at the side of our house.  I woke Justin up and went to grab my phone so we could call 911.  My entire body was shaking as I thought about what could possibly happen, as I thought about our precious babies sleeping in the next rooms.  He began to leave, but as he made his way in front of our neighbor’s house, he put the vehicle in reverse and there he was again.  He began beeping the horn then he drove through our yard and backed up to our bedroom window.  Justin was on the phone with 911 and we were begging them to hurry.  Out of instinct, I had grabbed the gun and it was sitting on the bed.  We had no intentions of going outside, but knew that if he tried to get in the house, we would have to stop him.  Thank God I locked myself out of the house that morning and we got our key back from him.

He left again.  I watched him driving down the road at a high rate of speed.  Justin was still on the phone with 911 and we asked them to go ahead and send out an officer.  15 minutes later, the officer arrived.  Living in a small town, we knew him, of course.  We told him what had happened, told him about the threats earlier in the week.  Justin’s dad is a well-known drug addict, but had somehow stayed off the radar since he got out of prison in March 2012.  The local PD had no idea he was back on drugs.  Now they do.

They issued a BOLO and went to his apartment, but he wasn’t there.  At 5:45AM Justin’s phone rang and it was his dad, but I didn’t answer. 

We are living our lives in fear of a man that we love.  We believe he came back early this morning, possibly when he made that phone call, because we found something the he had left.  Justin says he is almost 100% sure it was not there at midnight so we are sure he was here while we were sleeping.

We are terrified.  Up until the last few weeks, I would have never thought this man would harm us. 

I am exhausted.  I am so tired of dealing with death, heartbreak, broken bones, and drugs.   Justin and I strive to live right, to always help out, to do good, but it feels like we are constantly being punished for something. 

There is currently a warrant out for his arrest for not paying his child support.  Hopefully he will be picked up on that soon.  If not, the only step we can take is to get a restraining order, but we know that he will not obey that order.  He thinks everyone is out to get him and it would only make him angrier and more dangerous.  He is a convicted felon, so he cannot have guns but if there is way to get a firearm, he will find it.  He stole fire arms from his mom which is why he went to prison this last time.  He wants Justin to give him some guns (they are sentimental, family guns) which is part of “his reasoning” for being mad at us.  We refuse to give a convicted felon a fire arm, not only because we could be charged, but because we know he has nothing but bad intentions.  

When I began blogging 10 years ago, it was to just get it all out.  That's where I am now.  I have to write so I can deal with these emotions.  If you are still reading, I guess what I am asking is simply for you to pray or send good thoughts, positive vibes- whatever it is that you do.